


Space Cowboy

by doctorwatsonofhogwarts



Category: Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-29 14:58:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorwatsonofhogwarts/pseuds/doctorwatsonofhogwarts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris’ tweets that night did not only keep his fans up at night, but also a person who was afraid of loosing him more than anyone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Space Cowboy

The tweet was still open on the screen when I was trying to find my socks and shoes on the other side of the room. My stomach was turning, head swimming with thoughts.  _It’s his choice_ , I was telling myself,  _he can do what he wishes._

But in my heart, I felt like I shouldn’t let him do it. My treacherous heart wrapped itself around Chris and refused to let him go. It was difficult for us to meet up as it is, with both of us being extremely busy as of late and living almost two hours away from each other. If he quit YouTube, it would mean that I would see less of him, as it was one of the things that kept us together.

We would still be friends, of course. I wouldn’t let us just become not-friends because he stopped uploading videos. However, if he moved onto bigger, better things with the BBC or something else and left his hobby, the thing he loved doing so much as he constantly said to me, behind; there would be an even bigger rift forming between us and we would go our separate ways eventually.

I needed an explanation. Whether it was true or just a joke, without one I would be lost. I don’t want to loose him. He was Chris, the stickz in the kickthestickz, without it what would there be to kick? It wasn’t right to call him demanding what was happening. No, it was something I would have to ask him face-to-face.

I didn’t sleep at all tonight, the tweet and my own self-destructive thoughts kept me up from slumber: making me contemplate, reminisce, muse, speculate and unnerve me into a temporary state of insomnia. I left the house early enough to catch the earliest train to Chris’, forgetting to eat breakfast or even shut the laptop.

As I waited on the station for the train, sun was only just rising and instead of Chris’ tweet, there was my own on the screen.

_See you Space Cowboy._

My mind formed it on its own, using my fingers as a medium without letting me know. It was only when I saw it posted on my Twitter that I’ve realised what I’ve done. Although it seemed a clear message to everyone else, that I accept Chris’ choices and wish him luck on his adventure, it didn’t mean the same to me. For me, it was a promise. A promise of being there, telling him to wait. To expect me turn up and ask what happened. There was never any acceptance in what I wrote.

The train took a painfully long amount of time. I didn’t think to bring anything but my wallet and phone with me and regrettably, I probably didn’t have the mindset to even distract myself with anything anyways. When it finally reached my station, I almost leaped out of my seat and made a mad dash to Chris’ house. My heart was thumping in my chest and only when I was about to knock on Chris’ door, I realised just how much he meant to me.

He was more than just my friend. More than my best friend even. The idea of him leaving me, of us loosing contact not only settled wrong with me,  _my heart refused it to happen._

When Chris opened his door, he wasn’t met with a pretty sight. I was leaning against the wall slightly, breathing heavily, clothes and hair a mess. My face was probably twisted in a caricature of anger, confusion, sadness and fear all at once, with pleading eyes wanting an explanation. If it was anyone else, they would be confused as to why I was standing outside their door looking like I was. But not Chris. He took one look at me and stepped out of my way so I could come inside.

He was wearing his pyjamas, but it didn’t look as he had much sleep either. He didn’t try to speak, looking almost guilty as I followed him into his living room. I heard his phone buzzing in his pocket which he didn’t bother to pick up and just threw it onto the sofa as he sat down on the floor leaning against it. He buried his head in his hands, not looking at me.

I took my place on the floor next to him. “It all turned out wrong,” Chris said. “All of this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

I allowed him to explain and the more words poured from his mouth, the more I understood. It left my emotions swinging like those of a hormonal teen, the primitive instincts within me torn between wanting to knock some sense into Chris’ thick skull with my bare hands and embracing him to never, ever let go again. To scare me – and everyone – like that. After spending so many years on YouTube and the internet, after so many years of knowing his friends; he thought that we wouldn’t overreact. Or at least what he considered overreaction. That stupid, stupid boy.

When he looked over at me hesitantly, to see what my reaction was, I swore that his eyes could melt ice. It was difficult to stay mad at Chris when he was like that, or when he was being himself in any way when I was concerned. I shook my head at him, a hoarse chuckle escaping my throat.

“You’ve caused a right shitstorm,” I said finally. He laughed at that, YouTubers were known for causing these.”Just don’t do something like this ever again….please. I hate worrying about anyone, especially you.”

Chris opened his mouth to speak, but paused. A smile formed on his face as he leaned to rest his head on my shoulders. I didn’t even batter an eyelash, the two of us were close and personal space was something we momentarily forgot while in each other’s presence. I moved my head to rest it on his and sighed.

“I’m sorry,” He mumbled. “Sorry to make you worry, Peej.”

We stayed like that for a while. Silent, mulling over our own emotions. Heads together, eventually pulling each other into a prolonged hug. The phone stopped buzzing a while ago and both of us looked a mess. All of that didn’t matter.

“Why were you so worried? We would’ve stayed friends even if I actually quit.” Chris broke the silence after a while.

It took a lot out of me to formulate an answer which wouldn’t have been taken the wrong way. I knew the answer to the question, but didn’t quite know how to put it into words. It was a long time before I answered. “The thing is, I know that we would have stayed friends, but I mean…we hardly see each other as it is. If you quit making videos altogether, there would be even less time that we would spend together, less to talk about and more of a space between us. I don’t want that.” I tried to explain. ” I don’t want to loose you.” The last part was a mere whisper.

Chris nuzzled my neck, which made me freeze. “I’m not going anywhere.” He said. “You’re too important.”

“So you have some sort of master plan to take over the world and I’m taking part in it?” I joked.

“You could say that,” he answered. “It’s a plan to rock your world baby and you have to be there to let me do that.”

I laughed. I cocked my head to look at him, only to see pure determination in that wicked, wicked grin. “And how do you plan to do that?” I asked.

His reply was not in the form of words. Chris pulled himself up and shuffled into a position so he was pretty much sat on top of me with half of his body. His left arm was leaning against the sofa on the other side of me and he cupped my chin with his hand. I didn’t move, confused yet hopeful.  _Is this really happening?_ , I wondered.

Chris’ face was dangerously close to mine, I was under his intense stare, frozen and unable to move. Not like I wanted to, although that came as a surprise.

When his lips touched mine, it wasn’t rough and lustful as one would expect of Chris. It was soft and delicate – expressive in terms of emotions as he moved his mouth against mine, licking my bottom lip with his tongue. The flesh of my lips was on fire, tingling where his tongue ran over it. It wasn’t an overwhelming kiss, it wasn’t a demand – it was a hesitant question. Cautiously, I kissed back, unsure of what to do. I kissed girls before, but I felt like it wouldn’t be the same although it seemed like it. Chris’ lips were chapped, not as soft in texture than a girls’ painted lips. Yet, the feeling was better, much better. Vivid, overwhelming.

When we broke for air, both our faces were flushed and both were breathing heavily. I offered him a smile, which he returned. He settled himself in my lap, hugging me. In that moment, I knew that he wouldn’t ever leave. No, he wouldn’t leave me.

“I’m not moving,” He whispered against my neck.

“I’m not planning to let you, Space Cowboy,” was my reply.


End file.
